Are you getting enough hate mail?

I've written before about the futility of trying to please everyone in A Sure Thing and Making People Unhappy. However, it's one thing to write about it and another thing entirely to experience it personally.

Last year I got my first piece of hate mail, or at least nasty mail. Most people like my seminars and classes, and most of my work is based on referrals from happy participants and meeting planners. I've always known that everyone doesn't appreciate my style and I've seen some scattered negative evaluations over the years. But it was a challenge to respond positively, both internally and externally, when someone attacked me directly in an email.

I have to admit that it bothered me a lot in the beginning. I wanted to challenge their arguments. I wanted to address each issue and show them that they were wrong. But that would have been a waste of time.

Just as we don't need to fix our weaknesses, we don't need to try to please all of our critics. Just as we should build on our strengths, we are probably better off building deeper relationships with our existing fans than trying to convert our enemies.

So I didn't reply. I didn't respond. I took my own advice and reframed the attack as evidence that I'm on the right track. I still don't like it and I'm not looking forward to the next piece of hate mail. But maybe I should.

Maybe I should measure my success by how many people I please AND how many people I offend. Maybe if everyone seems happy, then I'm doing something wrong.

How about you? Are you getting enough hate mail?

I've included the original email below without editing (including spelling errors). Enjoy!

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Dave:
 
I attended one of your seminars and I felt uncomfortable with how much of your talk was regurgitation of other people's ideas.
 
You arrogantly stated, "and now I get paid to talk".... well, never forget that it is a privelege to talk to people, no one stays awake at night in anticipation of hearing you and no one stays awake at nigt after hearing you either I promise.  Just to give you a reality check because I think you need one.
  
You claim that you have "associates"------????? mmmmmhmmmm.
 
You claim that you have refreshing solutions-------?????? (revive dead ideas of others is more accurate)
  
authentic and humble???  apparently this is only for others to practice.
 
I just think it is important to get a sense of perspective that your message and style does not really sit well with everyone and I think it is great that you have selected the "best comments" to put on your website to impress others with; but I hope you do some deep introspection about your true level of rigor and originality...
 
Good luck mr leadership
 
LP

Comments

[Janet]

Bah! I think what this person wrote says a lot more about him than about you.

Somehow I got behind on reading your blog, but I got some hate mail yesterday, so I needed to read this today! Thanks!

[Bart Gragg]

Hey, Dave, I completely understand where you are coming from. Something that helped me was when I stumbled upon and read the book "Your Hate Mail Will Be Graded" by John Scalzi. In the authors sometimes hilarious and sometimes scathing rhetoric, we can all re-learn that we DO come from differing opinions and we can grow a little thicker skin by way of not taking people (especially ourselves) as seriously as we have.

I say the more you make 'em mad the more you got their attention. In fact I was talking with Dr. Rick Hubbard today about a talk he gave where in his opening remarks he really did engage the audience - he said if fruit had been available the audience would have launched it. In the end though, he made and they got his point.

You are probably on the right track. Otherwise I would tell you so! (Kidding! maybe...)

[David Rendall]

Thanks, Craig. That's a great quote and a perfect example. Even becoming president usually involves a large percentage of the population voting against you.

[Careerguyd]

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.” Theodore Roosevelt

Remember, the most powerful person in the world (U.S. President) is doing well when his (or maybe her in the near future)approval rating is above 50%.