Reject

I'm a reject. I just got rejected. Twice.

Two people have just asked to be removed from my blog update list. They're not interested in being freaks.

What does this mean? It means that everyone doesn't like me. Everyone doesn't like my ideas. Similarly, everyone won't like you and everyone won't like your ideas.

This is an important part of The Freak Factor. Not everyone will see the upside of your weaknesses. Some people will criticize you and ask you to change. Other people won't even try to fix you or expect you to change, they'll just reject you.

Furthermore, anytime that you express your opinion, you run the risk of alienating people that disagree with you. That is the bad news.

The good news is that for every person that rejects you because of your weakness, there will be two people that will accept you because of the strength that corresponds with that weakness. For every person who rejects you because of your opinion, there will be two that either agree with what you are saying or at least respect your courage in sharing your point of view.

I think we can learn two lessons from rejection:

1. Getting rejected is a good thing. It means you are doing something right. Rejection by some groups is actually a prerequisite for acceptance by other groups.

2. Focus on the people that accept you for who you are, instead of trying to please those that reject you because of who you are not.

I'm sending the blog updates to more than 250 people and, so far, only two have asked to be removed from the list. That is a good percentage. I think it is more productive to spend my time connecting with the remaining 248, than trying to please the other two.

I'm not the only one who feels this way about rejection. While looking for a good picture to put at the top of this post, I found this blog entry about authors being rejected. It seems that this lesson is especially relevant for authors, actors and salespeople, but it also applies to all of our jobs and relationships.

So, get out there and start getting rejected. Or you can just send me an email asking to be removed from the list.

Comments

[Judy Rey Wasserman]

Wonderful post. Thanks.
Artists deal with rejection often, whatever their field. Real artists have something unique to offer, and that means different and untested, so gatekeepers are wary.
As a fine artist (with a manifesto to a whole new way of creating art focusing on the stroke), I researched other artists, now revered, to help me withstand rejection. Well, van Gogh (never recognized in his own lifetime), Rembrandt, the original Impressionists, and the initial Cubists, Warhol and many, many others all experienced great rejection by the establishment. Rejection cab be a good sign that one is doing something innovative!
So now I sail forth less concerned about rejection and it seems to be I am expeiencing less, probably because I do not take it so personally and think of van Gogh.

[Sean Williams]

Excellent post - one definition of effective leadership is the willingness to risk unpopularity by making decisions. Sometimes we'll be right (or degrees of right) and sometimes not.

As a corporate communicator, I'm used to being rejected -- most of the time it's passive rejection; the low expectations, the ignorance unmitigated despite my counsel; the casual disregard of my research, opinions or facts. That leads to frustration. So, what should I do? Moan? Cry? Rail?

Effective leaders do not dwell on being wrong, they simply make another decision.

[David Rendall]

Dave,

Thanks for the comment. Great point. Sorry that you aren't getting the right ratio so far. My math probably wasn't very good. I should probably have a disclaimer.

I checked out your blog and I have an idea. Maybe the 1 person that is always rejecting you is an employer and the 2 people who would connect with you are not employers. I have a theory that some of us (myself included) aren't made for organizations. Maybe that's you. Maybe you are a person that would have good luck looking for customers or associates, instead of a boss.

Let me know what you think. If the Freak Factor doesn't work, then it isn't worth writing about.

[Dave]

This is a great site, got here from Made to Stick.

Although I agree with you on expressing your opinion, I wish the phenomena applied to applying for jobs. I've been applying to other jobs for years with no success. I don't think I'm remotely close to 1 organization rejecting me and 2 appreciating what I have to offer. Maybe not a good analogy, just feeling bad for myself.

Look forward to future visits.

[Joel Rodell]

Well stated Dave.

Starting out in sales, one of the hardest things to take is rejection. I used to spin my wheels and stay up at night wondering why a project that I'd worked so hard on, went to my competition. It seriously would eat my lunch!

Terry Sullivan states - Some Will ~ Some Won't ~ So What. / Next!

If a friend of mine wouldn't have given me this piece of advice about a year ago, I would still be dwelling on deals that fell through 6 years ago!

No emotional attachment. Ever!

NEXT!

[David Rendall]

Great point! I feel better already :-)

Your dating example is a good one. Sometimes difficult circumstances lead to positive results. That is important to remember.

Dave

[Suzi]

They may not necessarily NOT like you and your ideas, they may just not want to get the emails from each time you update.. you may even be bookmarked as a favorite for all you know. That's the positive note, that maybe they do like you; just not the mass emails. Rejection is a good thing, it opens the door for new / other possibilities. Think of a girl that dumped you in any of your early dating scenarios. The relationship(s) made you better (although its hard to think of why), but if it had worked, you wouldn't be with the wonderful person you are married to today. (Even with rejection, keep your head up.. the worst they can ever say is 'no'.)